Only minutes after the Iran nuclear deal was inked, elements of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard marched into the Sudetenland, apparently in an effort to annex the area as Iranian soil.
“President Obama promised us territorial gains if we promised not to make bombs,” said President Hassan Rouhani of Iran. “We figured we would start small and work our way up. We also have our eyes on Luxemburg, Poland, and possibly The Channel Islands.” He continued, “It’s really a win, win, win for everyone involved. The citizens of these new Iranian territories will receive free religious education and military training, we will gain valuable new real estate in Europe, and President Obama will get the American people off his back about that stupid website.”
Conservative pundits in the United States decried the agreement as being one of the worst ever made. At Fox News, the normally copious supply of blood pressure medication was consumed in minutes.
Republican Senator Saxby Chambliss of Georgia stated “This agreement and the subsequent actions of the Revolutionary Guard are unconscionable. It just goes to show how far the Obama Administration will go to take the spotlight off the healthcare debacle.” He continued, “No one thinks that the Iranians will stop with the Sudetenland. They have mentioned other territory they covet for “living space” for their people. In fact, the CIA has discovered plans for an Iranian invasion of Ukraine after the winter snows abate. Furthermore, we have it on good authority that the Iranian diplomats were wearing explosive vests during the negotiations.”
At this point, Sarah Palin, who was visiting Senator Chambliss, chimed in: “If this keeps up, I’ll be able to see Iran from my home in Alaska!” Chambliss just rolled his eyes.
Secretary of State John Kerry downplayed Chambliss’ criticisms and those of conservative pundits. “This is an agreement that will guarantee ‘Peace with Honor.’ We won’t have to worry about the Iranian nuclear threat for a long while, or at least for a few weeks. Besides, who ever heard of the Sudetenland anyway?”
The Cretonia Times-Picayune 