WASHINGTON – (CT&P) – While giving his acceptance speech as the GOP nominee Thursday night Donald Trump became confused and disoriented and thought he was running for president of Somalia.
Trump told the seething mass of hate filled delegates that the moment he took office law and order would return.
During the 76 minute long horror fest, Trump described a dystopian hellscape that few people outside the arena recognized. The description of the country in which we live was so bleak and disturbing that many of the older delegates in the arena chose suicide rather than return to their districts.
Yelling like a warlord on khat, Trump told his audience of insecure, terrified white people that we are awash in a sea of random violence with illegal immigrants, terrorists, brown folks, black folks, yellow folks, red folks, Hillary Clinton, and Satan himself all posing an existential threat to the country.
Trump said he alone could make Amtrak trains run on time.
Only the day after the speech was it revealed that the fluorescent rodent of a man had suffered a mild stroke on Wednesday night while watching Blackhawk Down so he could get in the mood for his big appearance.
“He still thinks he’s surrounded by black militants trying to kill us all,” said an aide on condition of anonymity. “The guy was never too bright to begin with. God knows how much damage was done to his small brain. This is gonna be a long three months, I can tell you that.”
The Cretonia Times-Picayune 